The S Word

by - October 06, 2011

So what are those different roles and how can we keep this thing from being a competition?
Well, remember the old Jiff peanut butter commercial about the kids fighting over the last piece of toast with peanut butter on it?  The wise mom suggests that Jack cut it in half and Charlie choose which half he wants.  This division of tasks to accomplish one goal kept both Jack and Charlie honest and brought about mutual satisfaction. The division of power caused them to remember the other in their own actions to bring about a mutually beneficial result.
That doesn’t sound so bad, not until you substitute headship and submission for the butter knife and the choice of which half to take for yourself in our Jiff commercial. But really that’s all they are: roles that happen to be gender-specific that we’re called to fill in order to get to that beneficial, satisfying result of happily ever after.                 
If it seems reasonable (or brilliant) with the peanut butter, and absurd with the architect/contractor analogy, then just what is it specifically that sends us girls over the moon when you bring out the S word?
Does it boil down to the fact that submission makes us vulnerable? Vulnerability can be a good thing and can be a vehicle to a more intimate marriage.
Scary? Maybe. But you said you were willing to take the risk the day you wore white. And you might have been headed in the right direction at some point in your relationship either right before you said I do or right afterward.  Most brides and grooms are blissfully happy and anxious to get on down the road toward happily ever after when they’re standing at the altar.

So how did we get from there to here? Maybe when our fallen nature gets in our way of fulfilling our role to perfection, we end up hurting and disappointing our spouse. The opposite is also true. But maybe instead of dusting ourselves off (or dusting off each other, which is exceedingly more fun) and getting back on track by extending a measure of grace, we retreat rather than regroup.
Many of us, rather than eject our mistakes, reject the system, give up on the Father’s plan for success, and then wonder why our marriage is silently not working behind the closed front door when nobody’s looking.

God’s plan is not flawed, people are. 
Girls, plain and simple: submission is your friend. Submission is God’s plan. Submission is supposed to be the road to happiness, not a burden or a curse. Submission is a beautiful thing in so many other contexts that we don’t balk.  Embrace it in your marriage. It just might change everything.
If you have already taken the road to unhappy, then what have you got to lose?
Take Home:  What is so scary about submission to you?
Do you think the world or your mistakes have created a bad taste in your mouth regarding submission? Why do you think that is?
Will you give it a try? Really, wholeheartedly give it a try to get on down the road to happier ever after?

I happen to be writing at Laced With Grace today as well. You're welcome to wander on over there, too. I'd love to have you. And it's not about marriage if you'd like to take a break from that topic. Happy wandering; Just click on the button below to get there.
Laced With Grace

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  1. Thank you, Dawn! God's plan is not flawed!

  2. Thank you for talking about what everyone else is afraid to say! I agree wholeheartedly with submission to one's husband.

  3. I think the world has changed the definition of submission and other groups have made submission something ugly and oppressive. Submission according to Eph 5 is beautiful and will leave a marriage full of spark and joy!

  4. You are right it is a VERY unpopular topic even among God fearing women. Thank you for delivering a message we all need to be reminded of time to time.

    I think I'll go do some of that 'dusting one another' you suggested. ;)


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