If I had my druthers, I'd be a professional student; I love to learn. It's the very thing I learned on that first day of school when I handed Ms. Human a perfectly five-year-old self portrait, and earned my first A. It wasn't long before I had it down pat: listen carefully to the expectations, go home and follow those directions, return to class and give it all you've got, then wait for the A with confidence.
Since my school days, I've graduated to list-making: clear expectations, measurable accomplishments, and quick, concise feedback: list all crossed off by bedtime. 3.74. That's 93.9%. It's a measure...one that means I did pretty
The problem is, after graduation, life doesn't come with a syllabus. There are no professor, no report cards, no red numbers and letters at the top of my work deeming me excellent. The only red letters I have now measuring my deeds are the ones Jesus spoke. His commands, His encouragement, His wisdom and Holy Spirit empowerment for my tasks. His mercy and grace.
These things aren't accolades earned for a job well done. They're gifts received with humble gratitude. I'm much better at the former, and still learning the art of the latter. Overachieving is easy. I guess that's why I keep running into my need for validation, and discovering my propensity for pridefully trying to earn it.
It's nothing more than the cowards way out. It takes courage to merely accept validity, while unworthy, with humble heart and hands. We don't really want to be unworthy, do we. We don't want to have to turn to a bloody sacrifice on a cross, dressed up though we may be in our Easter finery. It's so desperate and despicable. Even the Father looked away.
7.34 is a lie. There is no such thing as 93.9%. Jesus paid it all, and I owe nothing. My deeds? They'll be tried by fire and either burn or remain, one or the other.
He indeed validates, but only when He increases and I decrease until He is everything and I am nothing. I know this in my head, could ace the test in a classroom. But in real life, I think I may still be failing.