L&D Part 4: Final Thoughts

by - April 10, 2010

I have just a few final thoughts to wrap up all this bittersweetness (I told you at the beginning was) swirling around my mind. I promise to be back to lighter subjects with my very next post. So sorry to return to such heavy thoughts, but real life doesn't always ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after, does it.

Adrian really has grown up to become a young man that is much like the brother I had. Adrian is also athletic and a musician. He skateboards, plays football, the piano, and the guitar. He's even written some of his own music that's pretty darn good, if a Momma dares say so. They have the same sparkle in their eye when they smile, and Adrian has that so familiar personality that draws people in. Jeff never met a stranger.

I wrote this poem shortly after Jeff's death. It just came spilling out of me one day at the most inopportune time. It's all original, except the last line. Those words are plagiarized. Jeff penned them on the simple card that accompanied his wedding gift to Wayne and Kristy, which we opened all together after the funeral.

My brother - beside me, within me,
My life so in tune with yours
That in spite of the miles between us,
The blow that jars you to eternal sleep
Jars me to Dawn's wakefulness.

Flesh and blood may cease
But soul and spirit and love,
The essence of who you are,
Eternally reside in the presence of God
And in the deepest place of my life.

Unfaded memories will remain
Forever young and forever revisited
To celebrate the life, the love,
The blessing you were, all that you gave.
Your life yesterday lived,
Today, in an instant, a lifetime ago,
Adds sorrow and emptiness to each tomorrow.

Because your life made music despite the dissonance,
A symphony of beauty, depth, talent and charm,
All things that I do, that I am, and become
Will be some of you . . . a little bit for you.
The sister, the daughter, the aunt, the mom that I am
The life I live, the love I give, are a little bit because of you.

How can it be
That on the brink of beginning new life together
We mourn instead life's end?
Indeed you'll be best man eternally,
And now truly have you given me away.
Would that I could give you as completely.

Death neither seeks permission nor gives explanation,
She often comes unannounced.
Her laugh echoes in the deathly quiet,
As we whisper, scream, "Oh, God! No!"

However, life is in love, and love in life.
And Death has no place in either.
So to me your life and love live on
And you will never be dead to me, for
I love you forever, Jeff

And now, some sixteen years later, I'm convinced that because I knew you (him) I have been changed For Good. [Please click the link to listen.]

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  1. Why didn't I see that blend of pictures when I read this last? That picture is beautiful. I love that picture of Jeff anyway. It captures who he is perfectly. Those eyes and that smile. And you know since Adrian was born I have said he reminds me of Jeff. Just thinking of him and you today.


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